Gracious Uncertainty

After 3 and a half years of temporary employment and frequent travels, I will be settling back into a full-time job. Some time in the next few months I will also be going back to school. I knew the school thing was coming, but I was in denial for a while. Hospitals across the US are starting to change their rules to say that they hire only Bachelors Degree nurses. 10 years ago when I was in school, nobody cared about Associates vs. Bachelors. Unfortunately, now they do, which means back to school I go. In light of this, I decided to stop doing contract work and look for a full-time job. 

The last few months have been a roller coaster for me. I wish I could say that I have trusted God throughout this process without wavering. I would love to write about how I never doubted God would come through. Well, I did waver, and I did doubt. I asked a million questions and even begged for some stuff, worrying about what God might have planned (as if it might be bad). Through all of this God taught me lessons I couldn't have learned any other way, and now as I watch things unfold, I am amazed again at His goodness and faithfulness. Despite all of my failings in this process, God's faithfulness did not change. 

When I got a phone call from a pediatric home health agency a couple of weeks ago, I actually told the guy I wasn't interested in home health, but I would take the information anyway. And then I called him back and asked him a million questions, but was still skeptical. After over 9 years of Pediatric ICU, I couldn't envision sitting in a house with one patient. Honestly, the picture in my head was one of boredom. One week later he calls me back and tells me they have a very unique situation that might be a good fit for me. When I heard the story, I thought, for the first time, that this might be plausible. Another week later, I interviewed with the agency and met the family. After I left their house that day, I started to realize all the ways that God had answered my prayers for a job. I had 2 specific requests: dayshift; and that the people I would be working with would be supportive of my overseas trips (which the mom was very excited about). These were met, and more. As a bonus, God placed me in a situation where I am able to continue doing pediatrics (I thought I would have to give this up until I finished my degree).

One of my favorite devotions is from Oswald Chambers', My Utmost For His Highest. It says, 

"Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life - gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God...We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next...Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in - but you can be certain that He will come."

I love that Chambers describes the attitude in which we should live as "gracious uncertainty". I am really good at uncertainty, it's the "gracious" part I need to work on. I hope that I can learn to be more gracious and less anxious, and to live with "breathless expectation" of a loving Father who desires to give good gifts to His children.

Old Made New

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the OLD has gone, the NEW has come!"

2 Corinthians 5:17

My favorite thing, by far, about our trips to South Sudan is helping patients choose new names. One day in the middle of the week this year, I looked at our surgery schedule for the day and realized that at least half of our 15 patients that day had a name I recognized; they were named "deformed". We had first learned about the meaning of these names at the very end of our week last year. Amidst everything else that needed to be done first thing in the morning, suddenly I had one mission: find the pastors! Pastor Justin and Pastor Robert are our Sudanese pastors that work with us each year. They are amazing men of God, and I knew that they would have time to talk with these families. I found Pastor Robert and explained the situation, which he also remembered from last year. I could see by the look on his face that he was now suddenly on a mission. And then we went about our day...

Near the end of that day when I had a break, I snuck away to go to the ward where the patients were. Before I could even make it into the building, Pastor Robert found me and practically dragged me inside. He was so excited! He began to tell me how they had 5 patients who had chosen new names and they were about to pray with the 6th. He took me around to all of the beds introducing me to the patients with their new names, and then with Pastor Justin we went to the bedside of the 6th. I had the privilege of watching as they explained to the teenager that he could not let anyone call him "deformed" any longer. He had a new identity in Christ now; the old had been made new. It's hard to put the scene into words, honestly. The transformation that occurred at that moment was not the outward physical transformation. He was now, Matthew James.

Matthew James

Blessing

  

This is Grace

Peter

                                                         This is David Luka

Joshua Yohannes

In 6 days of surgery, we completed 90 cleft lip repairs. There are so many stories, I wish there were time to tell them all. I will put a few more pics here at the end of the families we were able to do surgery for; sisters, a mother and son, and a father and daughter.

Sister, Tesilia and Lelia

Mother and Son, Elizabeth and Minyiel

Father and Daughter, Marko and Amoung.
When Marko woke up following his surgery, he insisted that he pray
 for us in his own tribal dialect. It is impossible to describe what that
moment was like. He said that because he was poor all he could do
in return was pray God's blessing for us and the rest of the team.
He proceeded to pray one of the most sincere, heartfelt prayers
I've ever heard in my life. I didn't have to know exactly what he was
saying to know that he was eternally grateful and meant every word.

If you want to see more pics, click here: Part 1 and Part 2.

See previous blog post for slideshow.

South Sudan 2013

Mongolia 2013 Part 2 - Stories!

There really are so many stories to tell of the children and families that we met on this trip. There are Ayurzana, Tuya, and a little guy we called Batman, who all recovered from their surgeries beautifully. We also had Khulan, Oodma, as well as several other teenagers and young children who had holes in their heart closed through a cath procedure without ever having open heart surgery. Oodma and her mother received Christ before leaving the hospital the day after her procedure was complete, and were given bibles in Mongolian. One of the teenage boys is a professional dancer who travels throughout Asia and can now pursue that career without worrying about his heart. We also had a 22 year old woman, who should have never been operable into her adult years, and yet she was. She did extremely well and was walking the halls the next day. If I told them all nobody would read this because it would be too long, so I will highlight 3. It's not as long as it looks :), there are several pictures.

First I will introduce you to Davaadorj.

This little guy was first seen by our cardiologists back in July.  He had a heart defect that severely limited the blood flow to his lungs and put him at risk for sudden death. Although they didn't want to wait, they felt it was safer to put him on our schedule for September so that he would have the support of the full team if needed. His procedure itself also carried significant risk and the potential that he could be very unstable afterwords. When the team arrived we were told that he had been sick with a cold, and this would add even more risk to going under anesthesia for his procedure. It was already a huge miracle that he had lived from July until September. Our main anesthesiologist, Kim, formulated a plan to give him the best chance of coming through his procedure safely, and it was decided to go ahead. Without it, he had little chance of surviving much longer.
His mother would walk the halls every day and ask us to pray with her. His turn finally came on Wednesday evening, and the result was dramatic. He did amazingly well and his oxygen levels were up to 100% upon his return to the ICU (I believe they had previously been in the 60% range).

And now he is PINK!!!

We also got to take care of a patient who we were unaware of before we arrived. This is Nyamdawaa.

This guy is one tough dude. Most of the time, he had a huge smile on his face even though he was definitely not feeling well when we first met him. Unfortunately, what is wrong with his heart is not something that is easily treated. He had gone to another country a few weeks before we met him in hopes that they could buy him time with surgery. When we met him his heart had been in a very abnormal rhythm for several days, beating twice as fast as it should have been.  It became apparent that we would have to take more direct, and somewhat dramatic measures to restore his normal heart rhythm. After trying medications to reset his heart, we ended up having to use electrical shock. It's not at all what you see on TV, but there were definitely sighs of relief when his heart beat returned to normal and appeared to be staying that way. 

When he woke up he told us that it felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of his chest. He very much still needs a miracle for his heart, but that intervention bought him time and quality of life, and we were grateful to be able to do that for him.

The last one I will share is about Emujin. When we began our week, we had no idea that our biggest challenge would turn out to be her case. Her heart defect ranks about a 1.5 on a scale of 1-10 for complexity. We know that anything having to do with the heart carries risk, but we never could have imagined what occurred. 

Her day started in the cath lab where she was to have a coil placed in a vessel that should have closed at birth, but didn't. The whole thing shouldn't have lasted more than a few hours. Everything seemed to go wrong from the start, from IV lines and getting her to sleep, to the coil migrating to where it wasn't supposed to be. Then it proved difficult to retrieve the coil and the decision was made to take her to the operating room to take the coil out that way and close the vessel. The complications were piling on, and although the procedure was ultimately successful to close the vessel in her heart, there was concern that something may have happened to her brain due to the many complications and extended time under anesthesia (over 12 hours). The team members who took care of her throughout the day will tell you they have never seen such a cluster of complications all together on one patient in one day. It was unreal. When it came time to see if she would wake up, there was a lot of praying, crying, and waiting. That first night in the ICU was pretty busy as we did everything we could to stabilize her and give her the best chance we could. As the hours progressed we knew that there was nothing medically for us to do that would fix what had happened. We made her comfortable. She needed a miracle. We prayed for a miracle. And in the meantime, we held her, loved on her, spent time with her, and prayed some more. She passed away about 24 hours after the team left. We have watched God do amazing miracles, both overseas and at home. I don't know why sometimes we still have to see kids die. 

Some may think it strange, but I had so much peace during those 2 days that we took care of Emujin. I knew God was with us. I know He is good. I know He is in control. He never leaves us. In the chaos and in the stillness, He was right there.

To wrap this up, I just want to love on my team. Heart surgery is challenging no matter what country you are in. There are not people I trust more on the planet than this team that I am so privileged to travel with. The stress level on these trips can be astronomical, and the fact that we all still love each other when it's over is a testament to God's grace and mercy. Through all of the triumphs and challenges we faced this year, I would do it all over again.

Our team of ICU nurses
(will add team pic as soon as I can)

Click here to see more pics, and/or go to previous blog posting for slideshow.

Mongolia 2013 Part 1

I was recently at a retreat where one of the speakers made this statement: "True joy has faced the harsh realities of life and still come to the conclusion that God is with us." God was very much with us in Mongolia this year. Our week was both challenging and rewarding; we experienced joy and relief, but also grief and sadness. About the only thing that was constant during the days that we were working in the hospital was God. Everything else changed by the minute adding to the stress and challenge of the week. Through it all He was with us.

"Whatever will come our way, through fire and pouring rain, we won't be shaken."

You Can't Surprise God

There are now only a couple of days before my trip to Mongolia with For Hearts and Souls. The hospital we work at in Ulaanbaatar has been undergoing construction recently. They are remodeling and upgrading the operating rooms, ICUs, and the catheterization lab (all areas which we use during our time there). We are excited to see these improvements! Most projects appear to be coming to completion, but we are cutting it close. Please pray that the work is done well and completely, but quickly, so that we are able to complete the 10 open heart surgeries and 20 heart catheterization procedures that are currently planned.

A few Prayer Requests:

-That the patients, their families, and all of the staff that we work with would see the love of Christ in our words and actions.

-Completion of the construction.

-For the Mongolian customs agents to allow our medical supplies through without extensive questioning or requiring payments to release from customs.

-Safety for the team while traveling and during our time in Mongolia.

-Health for all of the team members as well as the children scheduled for surgery. They cannot undergo heart surgery if they are sick.

For the week starting Sunday the 22nd, when you are sitting down to dinner we are starting our day of surgeries, so say a little prayer for us when you bless your food :).


On a personal note, my Grandma is not doing well. She has been living with Alzheimer's for the last several years. I am grateful for the extra time that I have been able to spend with her as I have been in Texas more often over the last year. I have said my goodbyes and don't want her to suffer anymore, but I wish it wasn't happening when I was about to leave the country. I am reminded by this, as well as things like construction, that even though I can be surprised by sudden changes or information I didn't previously have, God already knew. He knew how the timing of these events would unfold, and He knows what surgeries and procedures need to be done and exactly what we need to have available to accomplish them. None of it is a surprise to Him. I have learned over the last couple of years, and continue to learn, that interruptions are often an opportunity for God to work if we will let Him.

I am so glad you can't surprise God.

Sprinting Through Seoul!

I've been home for a couple of weeks now, but still wanted to post about my latest trip to Mongolia. Better late than never :). I went to pick up a precious little 8 month old, Enguun, and her mom, and bring her to the U.S. for heart surgery.

After saying goodbye to her family and the CHP staff at the airport in Mongolia, we boarded our first leg of the trip to Seoul, South Korea. For some unknown reason, we got bumped up to First Class!! Of course this was quite a nice experience, but I had to explain to them all the flights would most likely not be this way. We definitely enjoyed that first flight :). Despite having a 4 hour layover in Seoul, we BARELY made our flight. I'll spare you all the boring details, but we had some ticketing issues and spent most of our 4 hours at the airline ticket counter, and getting through security and immigration. When we made it through and were headed to find our terminal and gate, we had exactly 8 minutes until the gate closed. Not 8 minutes until they started boarding, but until it CLOSED. At the entrance to the train that would take us to our terminal, there happened to be an airport information person, and she had a phone. I asked her if she could please call our gate to tell them we were coming and to not close the door. She didn't question me at all, dialed the number, and handed me her phone. I actually think that she was an angel and probably disappeared when I turned around and walked away :). When we took the train and got off the elevator, I tried to inspire urgency in my group as best I could, and off we went running down the hallway toward our gate. We had exactly 3 minutes. It was ridiculously close, but we made it! 

Everything went smoothly after that. Our 12 hour flight went by fairly quickly and before we knew it, our traveling adventures had ended. Enguun took it all in stride, slept most of the way, and had a successful open heart surgery one week after arriving in the states. She is recovering well and will soon go back home to her family.

Here is the link to a few more pictures: CHP-Mongolia

It's That Time Again!!!!

And what a glorious time it is!

It is July and that means it is time to plan for my annual trip to Mongolia :). This will be my 4th trip with the For Heart and Souls team, and of course, I can't wait to get back! This year has been pretty quiet for me on the overseas traveling front. This will be my first team trip for the year and I can hardly contain myself while waiting for September to arrive!

The team is planning on completing 10 open heart surgeries, as well as 20 heart catheterization procedures, in the week that we are there. There will not be a Searching week preceding the surgery week this year because last year we completed screening the entire country of Mongolia. Because of this, the cost is down from around $4000 to about $2800, but I still need some help. Please prayerfully consider helping me get to Mongolia this year. If you haven't had the opportunity to read my blog, please look over the previous entries. I want you to know what you are giving towards and why. It is a very worthwhile investment. 

I would also ask that you mark your calendars and pray for the team while we are there. Last year we had at least 2 children who we literally prayed out of the operating room when things looked grim. Both made full and miraculous recoveries, and many of you were part of that by praying from all around the world. Your prayers are extremely important to us and we feel them when we are there. We will be in-country from Sept 21-28th and operating the 23-27th. 

Thank you for all of your support over the last few years. I couldn't do it without you. As always, I am happy to answer any questions, and if you would like to commit to pray for the team, feel free to e-mail me at smyle2@hotmail.com. Also, if you would like to contribute financially, contact me via e-mail or facebook and I will get you the information you need.

Feed Your Soul

Recently someone at worked asked me, again, when I would sign on as full-time staff. And again I explained how I just couldn't give up the flexibility that travel nursing gives me to be able to go on trips. We have had this conversation 3 or 4 times a year for the last 3 years, and although I love it there, I love that I can have the best of both worlds; a few months working in the US and a few months of world travel. This person looked right at me and said, "You have to do what feeds your soul." I have a feeling we probably won't have that conversation again. She gets it. Not to get extremely deep and serious, but this is what feeds my soul.

Darlin and Christian

I guess you can't be too serious when you look at those faces :). I fell in love with these boys as soon as I saw their pictures in an e-mail, and couldn't wait to meet them in person. These boys are young enough that they really had no idea what was going on, but watching Christian's mom say goodbye to his dad at the airport broke my heart. As we boarded airplanes and airport trams and escalators, the boys and their moms had wonder in their eyes at all the things they had never seen before. But when they were just sitting, quietly, you could see the anxiety on their faces. One of the moms was frequently holding back tears. They have left their families and all that they know to come to America and live with people they don't know and let someone do heart surgery on their babies, hoping that all goes well. What an amazing reunion it will be when Christian runs into his dad's arms and is no longer blue and tired.

If you want to see some more pics from the trip, click here.

Time to Travel...

I have now been in the states since November without taking a trip. Almost a whole 5 months! As much as I love my time at home, I am always itching to travel. Next week I will head to Honduras to pick up these 2 adorable little people.

As always, I'm counting down the days until I leave. I LOVE doing transports for CHP. It never fails to be a fun, challenging, and rewarding adventure! I'll let you know how it goes :)